LIFE OF DAJU

Life of Daju

 

 

The man was quiet, and only spoke to buy that for which it required to live, active even until ordering food products that it made me pay with these sums of money of the shame which I had not wanted to give to him…
Always played by the easy way of wandering, as he liked to name himself, and also, I must admit it, rather admiring his turns, I never refused to give of my purse for our meals.
I insulted certainly it abundantly, but its lack of reaction wearied me little by little, whereas it never missed an occasion to lower me low than ground: I say myself today that I was to miss pride singularly, to support that with good-naturedness.
But this relation was then the only one that I had to cherish, and I could not allow me to put a term at it…

After two months of wandering within the ground of Palestine, the man decided that the place annoyed it, and our nearest departure for north announced to me, towards the old empire of Persians, it Anatolia.
“We will cross the desert, young survivor!
He is often favourable with the reflexion, much more than the shores enchanters of the west…
And you need to learn how to reflect, stupid young person! ”
We thus left for the interior of the grounds, before forking towards north, the grounds of these people which had formerly made tremble the Egyptians then the Greeks, before succumbing to the Large Alexandre.
The first days were a pleasure: great extents of mixed rubbles and sand, the freshness of the night to advance, extreme naps of the day to put back us.
A delight for an young man such as me, which required before all the loneliness of the vastness.
But the repetition of the steps, the impression diffuses not to advance, the complete absence of individual, all that started to weigh me, whereas we start our second week of progression.
One morning, however, a meeting impromptue revealed me what wandering understood by “reflexion”…
We had prepared to restore us, after a long night of walk, when we saw with far a caravan with the stop, engaging it-also in a rest recuperator.
“Come, will see these merchants: it seems me to recognize their colors! ”
Although frightened to the idea to fall on bandits from the desert, I followed the man, always so sure of him.
Hardly been able, I due to admit his good sight, or its intuition without fault: the nomads accomodated it with open arms, politely greeting me with the passage. Soon, of water and fresh food to us were proposed, that we accepted good heart: the dried meat and the fish started to seem to us without taste.
I understood rather quickly that caravaneers and my… main? … knew for some time already, and seemed to share the same habits.
After the meal, indeed, the chief of the merchants invited us to a collective prayer, thing which astonished me, because I had been able to check during our tour the lack of faith of my guide.
With my great surprise, it accepted, and took a particular installation: sat, the legs crossed under him, the hands placed palms open on its knees, it closed the eyes and was absorbed in its devotion.
A little lost, because nobody seemed to want to begin the prayer, I enquis near him:
“- Excuse me, but… Which request us? I with low voice asked him.
- Nobody of other that ourselves, importunate young person! he answered me, irritated. ”
Estomaqué by so much of pride, I was astonished high:
“- How?! You are caught for God?!
- Of course, since It is in us! God is anything else only what we see, imagine, feel: he is undoubtedly much more, but at least that, and all that!
- But… I… Euh…
- PF… added wandering it while turning to me.
Is God very powerful, young person unconscious?
- Yes, of course!!
- In this case, can one say that Its absolute power is exerted everywhere at the same time?
- Obviously yes!!
- In this case, can you say to me to what it would be used for to request It, since it exerts already Its will to the maximum of its capacity? …
- Euh… And… to draw its attention well? …
- Imbecile!! A slap claqua in the small day.
How you want that It gives you more attention than It does not grant any to you already, since It is very powerful and exerts Its will in all Its capacity?!
- But for… euh… I do not know…
- Forgets the twaddle of your friend Christos, young beginner! the man spit. God does not have anything any more to give us: He already did what is necessary while being, and while being of each one of His modes, in particular us, human! We are thinking, we are part of Him, and our only goal is to include/understand It, to apprehend what we are, and thus part of what It is!
We do not request a power external with us so that she listens to us: what a pride that one! But we travel in ourselves for better including/understanding us, and better answering our needs, those which we face as made modes of God!
- God does not have a need: he is perfect!! I rose. If we were God, as you say it, old man, we would be us also perfect!
- But we are only part of God, young disciple… Pas God Himself… And to include/understand what is the Nature, which is God, we must seek to approach us His perfection. The meditation is useful to us with that: to consider our acts, to consider our progression on the way of the divine Light.
- Then… what is it used for has… to meditate… together?
- Because the meditation is personal, but the discussions which result from this, the interrogations which we have towards ourselves, that can be discussed then, in group, to receive the assistance of our similar. To accept like answers possible, but nonobligatory, those which they will bring to us.”
Then I sought to me also the comfort of the meditation, this morning, but also the days which followed. And I, since then, never ceased questioning me on my acts, and seeking council near my human brothers.
I at the time was not convinced by this God immanent and without clean will, but discussions that I have with the spinozists whom I met thereafter allowed me to hold good on the way of knowledge, and not to give up me with the mirages of human morals…

“Spinozistes”?
Yes, I did not explain you yet from which this word comes, and what led me to give it to those that I was going soon to join, brothers of faith in Nature, and thus the Human one.

 


Deliver Troisième: The lesson in the desert, or announced freedom


We walked since days in the desert of the East, after our meeting with the commercial caravan, preparing us to join these people which one said to hold head in very powerful Rome: moving us of night, and in the fresh morning of extended from sand, resting the remainder of time, an extreme too virulent sun our skins, even under our clothing, we progressed inlassablement. The monotony of the landscape did not deteriorate however the power and the beauty which emanated from this vastness: no one does not remain impassive vis-a-vis the ocean of vacuum which the desert represents.
I followed the grumpy old man who had to prevent the abomination that I was on the point of making when we had met: my suicide, cheap and coward, whereas I had just attended dead of Christos…
My travelling companion apostrophized me:


- Daju, come to see here! Very Happy
- Hum… Moui… I answered, hagard, under the rays of the incipient sun.
- This wonder Looks at… added that which knew my Master of thought, without taking guard with my shameless lack of motivation.

I looked at then with the feet of the man, and screw a so strange thing, if incongruous in this place, that I pus to retain a burst of laughter stupid, which however appeared completely natural to me at the moment when he escaped from my throat. A flower.
A simple flower with the four petals ruby.
Perched on a rock of small size.


- What means, old man? Asked I, my eyes not being able to be detached from the incredible presence.
- That means the power of life, young idiotic!
Look at this combat for survival, but also the beauty which results from it!
A flower, lost in the desert, and finding its force only in one stone! Isn't this marvellous?
- I had never heard of such miracle…
- Ah not!! No the miracle here!! answered the ancestor, extremely courroucé.
Thus leave these ineptitudes to your friend Christos!
- He would have liked this flower just like you, old man!! I answered by raising the tone, because Christos and its vision of the world remained, between my me and fellow traveller, a continual subject of discord.
- Of course, that he would have liked it! I never said that it was malicious or insensitive!
I will go even until saying that he was a gifted man of compassion, love of the other, and also of step badly of humour! He smiles.
But it would have withdrawn its beauty with this plant by describing it as wonder… continued the man, being rembrunissant.
He would have spoken about a god who would have allowed this… miracle! As you say…
- And in what would it have withdrawn its beauty to him, by doing this, say to me? …
- Is This plant more beautiful than a pink, young person stupid?
- Euh… Not… due I to be solved to answer after me to be concentrated on these four poor white petals, alas of an afflicting banality…
- Then, why do you feel you attracted by it? Why do you find it so beautiful? …
- Because… Because it has great merit to push in this region! Because it is alive in a universe of death! Because it nargue powerful sun top of its a few centimetres!
- Here!! A radiant smile took shape on the face of my mentor.
It is beautiful because it succeeded in being released from the chains of its environment!!
It is beautiful because it acts in all its power, with the contempt of the rules which the star of the day would like to impose to him!
It is beautiful because it is free…
-…

I could only answer that, more especially as these words indeed recovered the impression which I felt in connection with this power which was expressed through the smoothness and the grace of a simple plant…

- Would the flowers be freer than us, poor mortals? …
- “The Poor mortals”… PF…
We are not poor, and us, thinking beings, naps subjects with a priori that do not know the plants, and majority of the other animals.
But this capacity with the reflexion will bring us further one day freest from the plants, Daju, would be certain!
- But how?!
We have so much difficulty to release us, with living in perfect harmony with God!
- What we learn by the thought, the reflexion and the instinct mixed, our gasolines remembers it, Daju, young apprentice!
Death is only one stage, a metamorphosis, but the gasoline which constitutes us, even reduced with a knowledge without will, when we trespass, remains…
- But that does not change anything: if our gasoline becomes stone, or even is lost in an attribute of God whom we do not know, that we cannot perceive, this knowledge does not have any interest…
- But the force of the gasoline, part of God, is to be immortal…
And through changes, from transitions from modes in other modes, from attributes around other attributes, one day, it will come to us a being which will have the possibility of thinking again, and to explain us the sum of the knowledge which it will have accumulated with the wire of its metamorphoses.
And then this thinking being, this mode of God, will explain us freedom, will bring us to God…
- How are you so sure, old man?
- Because the possibilities are infinite, just like God!
Because what can occur occurs, invariably, because God is the Almighty, and does all that it can: and it can all, by its infinite power…
Then will come one day, tomorrow, in one century, in several millenia, where among us this gifted will of reason will arrive, which will release us from morals and the pretences, which will make us powers without obstacle…
- How it will we recognize, if what you say is true?
- We will not have to do it, young Daju: it will be essential like an obviousness of clearness, of light, like a divine revelation…

I remained to contemplate a few moments these words, always looking at with enthusiasm this flower, symbol of freedom and power, more than any being met up to now, even Christos…

- How names this flower, old man?
- It is named spinoza… answered the wise one.

 

 

Deliver Premier: Suicide

 

Christos had just returned the heart, partly because of my denouncement…
Horrified by my gesture, driven as well by the will to dislocate me solar influence of this being out of the commun run as to show him as was the reality of the life of those which it tried to influence, I flee of the city of Jerusalem, passing in tears the monumental doors.
It is difficult for me to describe the mitigated impression, and yet extreme, which on me that operated that the aristotelicians had decided to choose like Messiah.
Christos was a being with the splendid will, with the love for the others of an unequalled purity for the time, and yet he lived out of the contingencies of the commun run, far from their concerns: how much many was my angers vis-a-vis its ignorance, its contempt, for the consequences of what he taught with his followers…
Never it agreed to be subjected to the Roman force, but never either it did not foresee the difficulties which those would live which would follow it!
Love and Hatred, Respect and Mistaken: such were the contradictory feelings which Christos inspired to me. But at the moment of its death, I felt such a vacuum, such an absence, that only death seemed me to be appropriate for the situation.
Taking the cord which was used as belt with my toga, I approached a tree, the scrambled glance of tears and the spirit enclosed in a vice of culpability.
I was going to go up on the log which was to be used for to me to put sufficient ground remotely, when a blow of riding crop whistled with my ears, marking my cheek of a bloody trail.
“And well, young imbecile! What a is thus this stupidity that you are on the point of making?! ”
A man in the force of the age, the proud glance and the pout scorning, disfigured me with an unbounded scorn. Too much occupied with my own pain, I had not realized of his approach.
“-    What do you want me, old man? … I with lassitude retorted to him.
Why do you want to prevent to me from putting an end to my days? …
I want nothing to prevent whole, young person stupid! I wanted just that you give me this bag of parts which seems to me agreeably filled!
If you commit suicide with, I will not be able you to steal it without feeling certain a faintness, then I you ask it before you do not make the great jump! ”
The man had raised a smile concupiscent, the eyes fixed on the thirty sums of money which I had touched to have denounced Christos…
- This money is cursed! It comes from dead from a man…
- Ahahahahah! I am not looking with what can nourish me, young moron!
- Cease thus to insult me, old grigou! I with anger retorted to him.
He looked me with astonishment:
you prepare to die and you make watch of pride?!
Or thus the logic of the thing is, insane young person? …
- I am entitled to my pride, even if I should not benefit from it any more a long time!
- That nenni, décérébré young person! You are about all to lose, to destroy with the result that you are you, and nobody other…
Why would you like to now preserve what you will give up in a few moment, weak young person? …
- Because it is my choice, my reason, my life!!
- PF… You, you thus choose not to more exert these rights which you assert at the moment… Te do you return thus choose not to choose more counts that you will be able to always decide to die tomorrow? … Whereas if you die, you will not be able to choose any more food tomorrow… Jeune buffoon!
- God will punish me for my act! I will repurchase my fault in hell!!
- And if this god whom you venerate did not exist? …. And if this god whom you venerate did not see the interest to be interested in you? …
- Oh… It will be interested in me, considering I took the life of his herald…
- Except if its punishment is to see you suffering from his absence of judgement… the young people are really too idiotic, nowadays: you think sincerely that this god in fury will give you until you wait?!
-… ……
- Wouldn't it be worth to better try you to repurchase your faults here, as long as you can it, rather than to flee while letting another decide in your place? …
- That made so badly…
- Of course that hurt, unconscious young person! If freedom hurts, it is to recall you that you are in life… But undoubtedly that to lose this freedom is not important for a coward who flees his own responsibility…
How want you to repurchase yourself if you lose what allows you to do it: your will, your choices, your power to be? …

The speech of the old man left me the fright in which I had drowned with died of the Messiah: I had always been a proud being, even proud, and to make me deal with coward by ancestor this rage awoke which had animated me since my birth.
- Go, gives me your purse, dead young person!!
- Not! I will need some to live!
- Still it would be necessary that you know what that means, young person foolish…

Intrigued by the words of old which from went away finally, I it followed, decided well to make him pay by sempiternal mockeries the insults of which it had watered me…
I came, without the knowledge really, to find a reason to live…

 

Deliver Deuxième: Meditation

Epilogue

Odor of blood, moanings and prayers frays, hard ground under my body aged by the age and the disease, coarse savour of stagnated water, frightened faces of the children…
I write to these some pages thanks to the sympathy of a guard imperial aristotelician, who can nothing make of other but look at to them his preparing to die in this Roman circus, on the orders of the emperor of a declining field.
Which would be its reaction if it knew which I am, or rather which I was? …
It must take to me for one of his brothers, obliged to act in clandestinity: it is not completely wrong, moreover, since my faith is pursued as much than his!
What did it take me to replace this child at the time of the raid?
Why this desire for dying in its place?
The suicide is the worst taboo of my worship, the total aberration in front of the divine Truth…
Why? To repurchase my fault? Not, since I know today that nothing is repurchased, even if I could want to balance my capacities.
Undoubtedly the disease which corrodes me me it pushed to give its chance to a being in full blossoming, while my end will be advanced only of a few months.
No doubt the tiredness of a life of voyages and search is felt more strongly now than my will weakens in front of the decrepitude of my flesh.
No doubt the humour of the situation helped me to make this decision!
To save a aristotelician, forty years after having taken part in died of their hallucinated guide…

What would think my companions of gaols if it knew that which is made call today Nicoleus was formerly, a long ago, certain Daju? …
My history would certainly not interest them, but I have hope which these pages arrive early or late to certain disciples spinozists, who will be able to find perhaps there what to nourish their reflexion on God, and on their own power.

It was forty years ago, therefore, with the foot of Golgotha…

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